New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
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