I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize