Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
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My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
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Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
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