im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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