If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
3 2 1 whiskey
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
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