we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
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