i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize