Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
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I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
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I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
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