If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
We have so much sex to catch up on
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
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