the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
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She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
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I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
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