If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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