i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Randomize