I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
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