i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
PS: I just woke up from my shower
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
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