why didn't you poke me back
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
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I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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