I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
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he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
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You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
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