did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
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We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
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Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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