i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Randomize