the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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