The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
Randomize