sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
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its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
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Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
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