I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
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