Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
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