Me too!
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
Randomize