my room smells like sperm. sweet.
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
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