I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
