Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
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I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
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Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
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