Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize