when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
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