I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize