You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
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