I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
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"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
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How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
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