You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
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Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize