shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
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I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
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I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
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