Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
love makes seman taste better
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize