What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
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The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
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We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
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