when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
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i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
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I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
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