Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
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