I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
In America we eat man semen.
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
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Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
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She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
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