Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
Randomize