worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
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I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
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