I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
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