My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
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