i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
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He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
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