i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
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her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
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