im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
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