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he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
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