he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
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I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
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Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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