I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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