More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
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